We've all been there...at some beautiful destination with our honey but we can't fully appreciate it because the bickering is just too real. I don't know what it is about vacation with a partner but sometimes it makes the Bitter Betsy come out of all of us! Maybe it is the increased amount of downtime! Maybe it is arguing over where to eat or which activity to do. Maybe it's the jet lag, or the change in temperature. I don't know! But what I do know, is that if you go into your vacation unprepared, Baecation Bickering is bound to happen. In today's post I give you my boyfriend and I's TOP TEN TIPS on how to avoid Baecation Bickering! We used to be king and queen of this category so we know all too well how that can put a damper on the trip! We follow these ten guidelines and it has made our Baecation trips and our lives so much better! I hope you find value in them! Let's do this!
1. Plan it out !
Winging it can be fun and spontaneous form time to time, but having too many options or too much down time leaves room for bickering to breed. You don't want to head over to an activity you guys want to do, only to find that it is closed or requires a reservation. Taking the time to plan your trip out with your partner can be so beneficial because then you know what to expect going into it. For example, we knew we wanted a picture here. We looked up the cost, times it was open, and times it was least crowded. By planning ahead, we avoided standing in a long line in the extreme heat; that would have been enough to make anyone grumpy and bicker over the small things.
You don't have to be a super planner (although we do love a color coded trip itinerary haha) but you should have at least the essentials of your trip planned out. I.e. where you will be staying, getting your food from, and maybe one or two activities so you know you have at least something in the books. Winging it can be fun but having those types of things planned ahead of time saves you time from worrying about them on your vacation, so you can spend more time focusing on enjoying yourselves.
2. Prepare for the unexpected
This one was hard for me to accept because that meant that I had to acknowledge that all that hard work that went into planning the trip, didn't mean that nothing would go wrong. No matter how much you plan, nothing will ever go 100% according to plan, and if it does you need to write a blog and share those tips. Help a girl out! Anyway, being upfront about it with yourself and your partner can help eliminate some of the fury fumes that may spark up when things don't go according to plan.Try having a back up plan or set out an agreement for how you will react if things don't work according to plan.
For example, for this Tulum trip we had A LOT planned. Like way too much that we could possibly do in two weeks. But we planned it out all perfectly, to the hour...just in case we could pull it off, and just in case something didn't work we had more options. However, we went into it with an agreement. We each had to get a certain amount of our must have activities to make it fair; and if we didn't get to the others we were not going to cry about it. We would still enjoy our trip and would just agree to come back another day. Even doing something as simple as just agreeing to that before traveling can make a world of difference. That and having a plan for if plan A doesn't work, will save you from thinking on the fly and all of the arguments that could come with that.
3. Take some alone time
I know, not what you expect to hear from a post entitled Baecation..but seriously this helps. I am not saying spend two whole days apart. Just take a few moments out of each day for yourself. Maybe you like to go for early morning walks while your partner sleep in! Or maybe you like to take a nice hot bath in that jacuzzi tub while your partner takes a stroll on the beach...whatever it is...making time for yourself will help keep you and your partner happy and kinder to each other. Think about it! In your day-to-day lives you are not spending every waking moment with one another. Even my boyfriend and I , both who work from home, do not spend that much time together. We make sure we each work from a different room in the house.
So you go from that, to literally being with your partner 24/7 and having zero time to yourself. Also, if you're someone who has a routine maybe try to incorporate that into your alone time on the trips. For example, I like to have some time to myself each morning, to set my intention for the day, practice gratitude, do a little yoga, and just have some quiet. I would continue that on the trip,to help keep me in the best mood so I can be in that positive headspace both for me and my partner on our vacation.
4. Communicate
This is one of those things that is good in a relationship in general but especially on vacation! You are in new surroundings with a lot going on, so make sure you are aware how you are talking with one another and make sure your boundaries and expectations are set BEFORE you embark on your adventure. If you start to feel yourself getting frustrated at the situation, make sure you realize that before speaking to your partner about it. And if you are starting to get frustrated with your partner, express it calmly and explain why. Then come up with solutions to tackle the issue.
Having strong communication is a solid foundational skill that will help keep bickering to a minimum, even in these new vacation surroundings! If you and your partner struggle with communication, maybe give yourselves incentives. If we don't allow ourselves to get frustrated with _____ then we get to do ______ and pick a fun activity or destination for your trip! It will keep you motivated and communicating effectively!
5. Have a variety of activities
Bickering can happen when you get bored, or if you are constantly on top of each other. Try planning some big activities, some small group activities, and some individual activities just with yourselves. This way you get to experience a variety of things and it helps give you a sense of what you like. It also gives you the chance to be together, but to also interact with others along the way; you'd be surprised how many strangers that you meet on vacation become lifelong friends!
Having a variety of activities keeps your days interesting! When your days are interesting your mood is elevated, and when your mood is elevated, the bickering is kept to a minimum. This photo is from our most recent trip to Mexico, on this day we decided to go explore some Mayan ruins! We also swam in cenotes, did snorkeling tours, and went to various museums! Below is a list of some basic ideas that you can plan for when on vacation:
Nice dining experiences
Gardens or Parks
Shopping
Some kind of tour (whether it is food, cultural, ocean etc)
Water sports or activities
Nature adventures (ie. hiking, waterfall exploring etc)
6. Be open-minded
Speaking of a variety of activities, make sure the trip isn't just things you want to do. In a Baecation there are two people going on vacation, not just one! A good way to avoid bickering is to have activities that both you and your partner like. For this you may have to be open-minded; you may not agree with your partner's idea of fun but give it a chance and you may surprise yourself with what you end up enjoying!
If it starts to feel like one person is taking over the trip try to create a schedule. Maybe you dedicate one day each to doing just your activities (ie. on Monday you do things you want to do, Tuesday is their day, Wednesday is your day etc.) Or maybe, you each get one activity you enjoy a day, so the day's seem a little more evenly distributed. Okay we went kayaking this morning like you wanted, so this afternoon we are hiking to the waterfall for me!
You can even make it fun! Make bets with your partner! I bet you are going to end up loving this activity! If I am right dinner is on you tonight! This picture above is from one of my chosen activities of our trip! We got an hour long couples massage and access to the underground hot springs after. My boyfriend was indifferent about this experience, and only agreed to do it because it was something I really wanted to do. He ended up loving it just as much as I did and now when we go back we want to stay at this hotel so we can experience it more than just once! Had we not agreed to be open-minded and humor each others' activities wishes, we may have missed out on this opportunity! Don't miss out on amazing opportunities by staying in your comfort zone! Be open-minded!
7. Divide and Conquer
Traveling isn't always the fun stuff, there are the reservations, the bookings, travel insurance, transportation etc. It can cause fights if just one person is handling all of the not so fun stuff. Split up those mundane tasks so you can accomplish them faster and so one person doesn't get overworked. For example, let's say you are responsible for booking the flights, and your partner is in charge of finding your lodging accommodations. That makes the trip less daunting right there because one of you is in charge of all airport information and situations, while the other is in charge of all lodging situations and information.
Or, if you don't want the responsibility all to yourself, at least split the mundane tasks. Okay, you're in charge of picking our flight times, but I want to pick the airline and the airport; or something along those lines. Just be sure you are splitting the work because if one person is doing all of the planning, and one person is having all of the fun; that leaves room for resentment to build!
8. Have patience
Realistically, no matter how much you prepare your partner is going to get on your nerves at some point, especially if the trip has you in close quarters for a long time. Just remember to exercise patience! Try to place yourself in their shoes in that situation, that can help you gain perspective and remain calm. And remember why it is that you love them and all of the positive things they bring to your life; that can also help calm you down when you are feeling frustrated towards them!
And then take a second and remember where you are! You are on vacation! Hopefully in some place that is your definition of paradise! Why waste your time there with your partner feeling angry! Flex that patience muscle, bring out that communication from step 4, conquer that obstacle and have one kick ass vacation!
9. Remember that you are a team
Too often when you are fighting it can feel like you vs. your partner, but you always have to remember that that is not the case. It is you and your partner vs. the problem. Think of it as a puzzle that needs solving and you and your partner are master puzzle solves. A simple switch in mindset like that can make a world of difference. Now it is the two of you coming up with solutions to tackle an obstacle together rather than contemplating ways to tackle one another. A technique that we use is "feel it out then figure it out" because I am a person who needs to feel things out, where as my boyfriend is a problem solver.
So when there is an issue on our trips, or in our lives, I take the first 5 minutes to talk through it and vent. Let all my thoughts, feelings, and opinions about it out. And my boyfriend patiently listens (see there is that patience from step 8). Then after my 5 minutes (because that is all you get! No more than that!) him and I start brainstorming solutions to our problem and we tackle it together!
Just to give you an idea here is a real life example of what happened to us on this trip: we wanted to see 8 cenotes on our trip. After stopping at this one, and one other, we realized that we enjoyed spending time at them too much and we would never make it to 8 in the 2 days we had in this city. So for 5 minutes I said how sad I was, and how I really wanted to see each of them and why. Then we came together examined the 6 we had left, ranked them on how bad we wanted to see them and made sure we saw our top 3! The remaining 3 that we didn't get to see, we made plans for the next time we would come back to the area! And that mindset shift helped! That and realizing that the fact that we got to see any of them, and be on this trip together was a blessing in itself.
10. Have fun
Last, but most certainly not least, this one is arguably the most important! When all else fails...don't forget to have fun! After all, it's not like everyone gets the chance to travel the world with their loved one! It's the adventure of a lifetime! Enjoy it!
That's all for today folks! I hope you found value in these tips! I would love to know if you use any of them and if they work out for you! Or if you and your partner have a trick or tip that you use that isn't mentioned here and you want to share let us know!
Until next time,
Steph
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