Life has a tendency to throw the unexpected at us; especially when you think you have it all figured out. Those dreams you had, the opportunity that presented itself, sometimes it works out and that's great...but what happens when it doesn't? What happens when the door closes right on your face? If you are like most people you get stuck in the "I don't know what to do phase" or you are in the "I will sit here and wait for another door to open" phase. Here is the thing, life is not like the fairy tales we were fed as kids. Very seldom do opportunities and dreams just fall into your lap. If you want something, you have to work for it! If a door closed on you, it wasn't your door, and that is okay. But that doesn't mean you just sit there in defeat. You go on the hunt for a new door! And if you can't find one, you BUILD YOUR OWN DAMN DOOR!
You may not be as fired up as me, but that is okay because I have pulled quotes and information from two really valuable resources that discuss success and how to create it in your life to get you fired up. The first comes from a TED Talk hosted by Bill Burnett. "Bill Burnett is the executive director of the Product Design program and an adjunct professor in Mechanical Engineering Design at Stanford. In addition, Burnett has worked at startups and Fortune 100 companies, including seven years at Apple designing award-winning notebook computers and a number of years in the toy industry designing Star Wars toys.”
(Bill Burnett, (2022, April, 10). 5 steps to designing the life you want [Video File]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/bill_burnett_5_steps_to_designing_the_life_you_want )
In the video he discusses something called "Design Thinking". In a nutshell design thinking is thinking about the needs of someone and how to meet them. So for your life you can think okay...what is it I want and or need out of life. Now, let me design a plan or a road map to get me to those goals! Burnett goes on to say that people should "lean into what you are curious about" because if it is something that interests you, you are more likely to follow through with the actions around it. He also suggests that you "reframe your problems". What does that mean? It means instead of seeing you problems as this insurmountable wall, see them as them as a friendly opponent, trying to block you from the goal; and devise ways to evade or maneuver around that opponent.
Burnett talks about the 5 points of Design Thinking that can be applied to your life: I will give you the synapsis of each below (I highly recommend watching the whole video to get the full effect of his knowledge)
1. Connect the dots to make your life meaningful
Who you are , what you believe, and what you do in the world should create a “coherent story”, that will bring meaning to your life.
2. People get stuck
When faced with a problem, “First thing to do is accept…then is it a circumstance you can work on and live with, or do you reframe it”?
3. How many lives are you?
When Burnett asked people "how many lives do you think you could have" the average answer was 7 and a half lives. People were able to create 7 and a half happy, potential lives for themselves in which they were completely content. If we have that many dreams and ambitions, how can we expect to be happy when we limit ourselves to just one dream per life? When selecting your dreams, make sure you choose them all because “It's not what you don't choose, it's what you choose that makes you happy".
4. Prototyping- a way to ask an interesting question
“The future is already here it's just unevenly distributed”
5. Choosing well
Gather and create options
Narrow Down
Choose ( “When you have too many choices you have no choice”)
Let go & Move on ( “If you make decisions reversible your chance of being happy goes down by 60-70 percent” )
Burnett also discusses the 3 main limiting beliefs that he has encountered with people that hold them back in life.
First, the question of: What is your passion?
According to a study done by himself and one of his colleagues Burnett found that, "Less than 20 percent of people have any, one singular identifiable passion in their lives” and “8/10 people say I have a lot of things I am interested in". With that much uncertainty it can be overwhelming when someone tells you that success simply relies on you following your passion. You then either feel like you are limiting yourself to just one thing you are interested in, or you overload yourself by trying to become an expert at all things that interest you.
Second, the idea that: Well you should know that by now.
Here Burnett stresses forgetting the idea that society should tell you what you should be doing and instead focus on where you are at the moment, and work with what you've got. Far too often, we find ourselves comparing to others ideas of normal, or what is expected of us. You should be engaged by this age, you should own a home by this age, you should have kids by this age, you should have this much in your savings by this age. Instead of wasting precious time worrying about what you should be doing according to others, focus your energy on actually doing the things that will make you happy and move you closer towards your goals.
Third, the questions: Are you being the best possible version of you? Are you settling?
I'll be honest, this one shocked me a little bit; because being the best version of you is an idea that I have been sold and that I myself sell! I am always striving to be my best self and encouraging others to do the same, but I really like Burnett's take on this and how this belief can be limiting. Two things that he said that really stood out to me were, first when he was discussing the idea of best. He said, “The unattainable best is the enemy of the attainable betters”. That was profound to me because he is so right! If you are so focused on becoming the best, if you only focus on the end goal...you will miss all of the "betters" that happen along the way. Don't lose sight of the end goal but appreciate your growth throughout the process, because if you are doing it right you are better than you were yesterday; and that is an accomplishment in itself.
Also, in regards to settling he says that he hates when people argue that you are settling because “This implies that there is a best and that life is a linear thing” and we all know that life is anything but linear. It has ups and downs and what may seem like the best for you may seem like the worst for someone else and having this general, overreaching standard of what "best" looks like does nothing but limits you.
Below are some excerpts that I pulled from an article called 11 self-made millionaires reveal the best advice they ever got . I selected the pieces of advice that stood out to me the most, and I will share them below. If you are interested in reading all of the article click the title above.
“An insult is advice in reverse — and almost always proves to be the best advice you’ll ever hear. —Barbara Corcoran
“No matter how long it takes to reach your goal — or how scary and difficult it seems — that time will pass anyway.”- Mark Divine
“All events in your life are neutral until you label them”- —Michael O’Brien
“Do the best job you can at everything you do. The result is not your responsibility.”Matt Clark
“Be patient and persistent” Marcello Arrambide
“There is abundance for everyone. You just need to dive in and grab it.”- Michelle Luchese
"As long as I had time and energy to do the work I’m meant to do, there is no such thing as “too much” money or a company that’s “too big”...But the minute this takes away from what energizes me, it’s too much.- Jonathan Goodman
“Stay the course”- Allyson Byrd
I hope some of this inspired you! Remember, you do not have to have it all figured out! Just show up every day and do the best you can do at all of the things you are doing. And remember, your idea of success is something that comes from inside of YOU, and it is up to YOU to make that a reality. BUILD THAT DOOR, and take any door that was closed in your face as a blessing, because it placed you on the path you are on right now, and that is exactly where you need to be.
Until next time,
Steph
References:
Oracles, T. (2020, January 23). 11 self-made millionaires reveal the best advice they ever got. USA Today. Retrieved April 10, 2022, from https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2020/01/21/11-self-made-millionaires-reveal-best-advice-they-ever-got/4489027002/
TED Talk . (2017). 5 Steps to designing the life you want . Bill Burnett: 5 steps to designing the life you want | TED Talk. Retrieved April 10, 2022, from https://www.ted.com/talks/bill_burnett_5_steps_to_designing_the_life_you_want.
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