This post focuses on the idea of comparison. Society often tells us that comparison is a bad thing, that if focuses on what you lack...but what if it could be a source of inspiration? A leverage up rather than an anchor that holds you down? Read this to find out my top 8 tips to use comparison to fuel your dreams and better yourself! In 2022 we are not looking at what we lack, but rather looking forward to what we could become!
This week’s mantra: “We won’t be distracted by comparison, if we are driven by purpose”.
Comparison. It is usually seen as a negative thing. Ever hear the phrase: comparison is the thief of joy? When the word comes to mind I am sure you are flooded with mental images of people staring in the mirror, judging their physical appearance. Or scrolling through their social media feeds , thinking of all the ways that their lives don’t add up to those that they follow. What if I told you that comparison could be used as a lever that pushes you up, rather than an anchor that holds you down? That’s right, it’s all about perspective my friends, and this week we are going to dive into the different ways that you can use comparison to your benefit.
Let’s start off by being honest here, at some point in their life everyone compares! Whether you are comparing yourself, something you have, a relationship whatever…everyone does it. The thing that sets you apart from Betty Jane next door is how you channel your thoughts surrounding comparison, and the actions you take after it. In this blog post I am going to share with you my top 8 tips for how I tackle comparison, and how I have learned to use it as a push off point rather than a breaking point! Let’s check it out!
Here is a quick snapshot of the tips!
Take note of when you are comparing yourself
Ask yourself this question: “Am I in control of the thing I am comparing?”
Create solutions not excuses
Change comparison to inspiration
Create a plan
Get a support system
Give yourself grace
Revisit your why
You may be thinking "awesome...but what do I do with these tips"! I got you! Keep reading for a dive into how to apply each tip to your life!
Take note of when you are comparing yourself.
Seems like such a simple first step, but let me tell you guys, self awareness is something a lot of people lack! Sometimes you are comparing and you don’t even realize it! Very similar to what I talked about in last week’s post, The Green Eyed Monster: How to Make Envy Your Energy, a lot of times you are unaware that you are comparing because it disguises itself as other emotions. For example, in my past (before I reshaped my mindset) I would see super fit girls on Instagram and get sad, but that sadness was because I was letting my comparison hold me down! I didn’t look like them so I saw it as a road block…but I didn’t even notice. I just knew I got annoyed when I saw super fit influencers or super cool travel pages because it seemed non realistic to me. So for me, those were times it was happening. Just take a moment to think when do you find yourself comparing?
2. Ask yourself this question: “Am I in control of the thing I am comparing?”
A lot of times, we allow ourselves to feel defeated over things that we totally have the power to change! When I was comparing myself to the super fit girls, I was forgetting that I am fortunate enough that I have a body that has full range of motion! What does that mean? It means I can work out! When I saw all those cool traveling places on Instagram, instead of seeing it as unrealistic I could realize, well there are planes that can take me there, and I can control the steps necessary to get myself on one of those planes so BOOM I can control that too. Take a minute and reflect: are the things you are comparing about yourself or your life, things that you have the ability to change or have control over?
3. Create solutions not excuses
After step two I am sure many of you were thinking to yourselves, “well yea, technically I have control over this but….” ah that infamous word! I swear it is hands down one of the most detrimental words we have in our language! It is used as a barrier between us and what we really want. I can workout, but I don’t have money for a gym membership. I can workout but I don’t have the time. I could jump on a plane but I don’t have the finances. I could see the world but I don’t have anyone to go with me. What if I used that word in a different context? I could workout but I don’t value my health enough. I could eat better but I don’t feel like learning about holistic ingredients and how it could benefit my body. I could travel the world but I don’t feel that I deserve fun things. I could chase my dreams but I don’t value myself enough to. Triggering right? Trust me I KNOW! I used to be the QUEEN BEE of excuses, guess where that got me *momentary pause as I eye you up and down* that’s right! It got me NOWHERE! I was stuck in the same position with nothing but my excuses for company. Those upsetting phrases are what it comes down to guys because we make time for what matters, and nothing is impossible with the right mindset and determination. I really didn’t have extra money to throw on a gym membership, so I went on Youtube and found free workout tutorials and did some at home body weight workouts. It may not be a 5 star workout but IT’S SOMETHING! I decided my health was important to me (both for physical appearance and for internal health) so in order to afford more nutritious groceries I cut back in other areas. I wanted to travel the world but didn’t have a lot of time or money. I associated myself with people who had done it before, learned some tricks of the trade and planned A LOT to make things work around my schedule. Guys…you only get one shot at this life! Don’t waste it making excuses!
4. Change Comparison to Inspiration
Now that you know when you compare, you know that you are in control of it, and you’re ready to stop making excuses, you need some solid inspo! Return to exhibit A! What were you comparing in the first place? Was it that fit person online! Go insta stalk them! (Not in a creepy way LOL). Do they post their workouts? Do they show you what they eat? LEARN FROM IT! Was it your friend who always had a sense of fashion that you loved? Invite them over for dinner and wine and ask them about where they shop! Shit, next time they go shopping, have them bring you and show you what makes them pick the style that they do. Is it that person who has the perfect relationship? Do they talk about how they got there? Have you looked into any books on how to have a better relationship? Is it the person who seems to have all the time and money in the world? Check them out, see what they are valuing and dedicating their time to! Every person is different, so what works for them may not be an exact fit to you and your lifestyle. BUT (see how we are using that word in a positive sense now :) ) going back to step 2 , it’s all good because you are in control! You can shape, adapt and update anything you find to fit you and your lifestyle! Just get out there and find the things or people that speak to your soul.
5. Create a Plan
Alright you have your inspiration…now what? It’s time to create a plan. I am in the process of reading this awesome book called The Future You Break Through The Fear and Build the Life You Want by Brian David Johnson. In it, he talks about the art of futurecasting or mapping out your future. One thing that he does is he breaks the dauntingness of the future down into easy, tangible steps. Those steps boil down to visualization, creating a clear visual of what you want your future to look like, first step, halfway point, and end goals. I feel that the same logic can be applied here. You found out what your inspiration is! Use that to help you visualize what you want. BE SPECIFIC! If it is that you want to be fit like the person on Instagram don’t just say I want to be fit. What is the weight you want to be? Do you want to be super muscular or just lean? How do you want to feel when you look in the mirror? This is not me saying that the number on the scale or the way you look is the most important thing, it is just me driving home the point of: specificity gets results! If you want to be more financially stable don't just say I want to be rich. How much money do you want to make a year? By what age do you want to make that money? How do you plan on making that money? What aspects of your life are necessities for your dreams to be true that that money needs to fund? If you are too vague from the get go it is easy to get lost. Then map out your steps! I am sticking with the fitness example because it is what I am currently working on for myself. My first step could be making sure I work out at least 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes, that is something I could start tomorrow. My halfway point could be six months from now, I want to have lost at least 10 pounds, feel good when I look in the mirror and have had a consistent workout routine. My end goal could be in a year from now, I want to have no back fat, have lost 20 pounds, be working out 5 days a week and feel confident rocking any outfit. Planning for your success sets you up for that success.
6. Get a Support System
You have the plan…what you need now is the accountability! It can be so beneficial to surround yourself with those people who will lift you up. It could be friends, family, partners, co-workers. It may even be the person who you are drawing inspiration from! Maybe there is a Facebook group of people who are trying to do the same thing as you! Just find your people and keep each other on track! Everyone has those days where they lose steam, having an accountability team can really help with that.
7. Give yourself grace
While we are on the topic of losing steam, you need to remember that you are human, not a machine. You are not going to be a rockstar 100% of the time, and if you are, dish your secrets! It is important to stick to your goals but there may be days where (let’s face it) shit happens! Don’t beat yourself up over it and get into a negative headspace. Accept it for what it is, and realize that tomorrow is a new day where you can get back at it! It is also important to be aware of acknowledging your progress and how far you have come while you are still on the journey. It is important to look forward to where you are going, but to also appreciate where you are now.
8. Revisit your why
Being successful in your goal is all about taking purpose driven action! On those days where you feel like you just can’t remember your purpose! Think to yourself: Why am I doing this? What am I gaining from it? Knowing your why can help you stay the course on even the toughest things, and there is no bigger motivator than doing something for yourself, to make yourself better and happier! I like to write my why down, in quote form or in a little snippet of a sentence on my vision board so that I am reminded of it everyday! Seeing it physically helps me see the bigger picture mentally.
At the end of the day, anyone can take the negative route and look at other people and accessories and think about how they don’t have that, look like that etc. BUT (there it is again :) ) it takes a special kind of person to see those things and flip the script to a positive light. To see the success of others and allow it to fuel them towards accomplishing their own goals and dreams. Be so focused on watering your grass that you don’t have time to see if someone else’s is greener! Transform comparison into inspiration and allow it to lift you up towards the best version of yourself!
For she used to stare in the mirror and see
Not what she had, but what she lacked.
But then she remembered that flowers bloom
Without a whisper of a care
Of the flower next to it.
For they are focused on only themselves
And how beautiful they will become
When they allow themselves to flourish.
Nourish yourself
Use your energy
To propel you forward
And watch the beauty
Your life will become.
Hope you all got value out of this!
Until next time!
-Stephie
BONUS CONTENT: For those days that you are just stuck in a rut and may need some additional support.
As much as I support optimism and truly believe that you have control over your mindset and should strive for positivity whenever you can, I also know that there are days where you feel a little down on your luck. For those days, where you are stuck in the negative comparison space, try these tips out prior to the list above. They should help bring you back to a neutral headspace so you can flip the switch to positive inspiration mode!
Acknowledge your feelings.
Okay, you feel it. You know it’s happening, you’re comparing something and it is bringing you down. You get 5 minutes to feel whatever emotion you want. That’s it…and I mean it! If it is not something that will affect you five years from now, it does not deserve more than 5 minutes of your time today.
2. 2 Minutes of Deep Breathing
You may be feeling a rush of emotions from feeling it out. Take two minutes to do some breathing exercise. Any style will work here, my personal favorite is box breathing. 4 second inhale, 4 second hold, 4 second exhale. Do this for two minutes to bring everything to a calm and refocus your mind.
3. Tell yourself 3 things
Now that you are past the feeling stage, it is time to get into the healing stage. List 3 things that you love about yourself. It doesn’t have to be physical. It can be unique traits about yourself that you think are cool, or things that you have accomplished that you are proud of. Just think of 3 things unique to you that bring you joy or positive feelings.
4. Keep it real
There are 7.9 billion people on the planet right now (thanks Google) and every minute another person is being born. That is a TON of people, and guess what?? Every single one of them is unique, our fingerprint proves it! No one has the same fingerprint, and that isn’t something that people think about. So why can your looks, personality, attributes etc not be as unique as your fingerprint? These feelings come up from time to time and that’s fine, feelings make us human. However, we have moved past the feeling stage and now it is time to keep it real. You were given a chance to live this life as YOU, why would you want to be anyone or anything else? You can desire improvement, sure, but the only person you should be trying to compare yourself to (or be better than) is the person you were yesterday and the person you will be tomorrow. There are far too many people in the world, each with their own unique perspective. You can never change the way others see the world, but you can change how you see it, and yourself. So focus on you, and now go back to that top checklist and tackle the day!
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